Fall into the swirl of memories

Someone said to me:" Don't have to care so much, just like me."
Does that mean that you don't care about how I feel?
Or you just pretend that you care?
Or I rank myself too high up?

Last time, there was a guy said he care, he won't hurt me.
But in the end, I had been left out.
Just like an old toy, been throw away.

I though I am fine now, but the truth is, I look fine.
I look fine, I act fine, but when someone touch the scar, it explodes.
And I need a lot of force to block the blood from flowing through that vessel.

I am scare.
That's why I always doubt to myself that I might mean something to someone.
Because when I though I do mean something to someone, actually I mean nothing to that particular person.

I try to trust.
But I still doubt to myself that others will trust me.

I try to be confidence.
But ended up, I don't feel like myself anymore.

I try my best to smile.
But ended up, I lost my own expression.

I try not to cry.
But when the tears drop, it can't stop.

I try to make myself happy.
But ended up, it's all fake.

"We need to talk more when we meet."

Until that time, I might just hide my scar again.
And pretend that I am fine.
Then, someday, my scar will explode again.
And here we go again.

I want to get out of this swirl... but how?